


Älä jätä

by ThoseDaysThatWill



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Fade to Black, It starts out angsty and ends fluffy, M/M, Winnipeg Jets, because that’s how I roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 09:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18312785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoseDaysThatWill/pseuds/ThoseDaysThatWill
Summary: On March 30, 2019, Sami was a healthy scratch in favor of a teammate returning from injury.Or, Sami is full of anxiety and Ben is absolutely not (or so it seems).





	Älä jätä

**Author's Note:**

> The interview is [real](https://twitter.com/NHLJets/status/1111710045769777152). The article is [real](https://globalnews.ca/news/5028002/hes-a-jet-sami-niku-to-stick-with-winnipeg-jets). Sami's anxieties are his own.

He knew it was coming, but he tried not to think about it. It wasn’t right to wish your teammate ill—and he _didn’t_ wish him ill. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t anything he was allowed to put into words. Not English words, not Finnish words, nothing. He wasn’t allowed to say anything about anything because all it would do was make him sound like a stupid whiny rookie. And that was the absolutely _last_ thing that he wanted to sound like.

Sami found himself sitting in his stall, watching the press surround one teammate after another. That no one noticed him, he was grateful for. The reporters rarely did, except if he scored or assisted, which was pretty rare. A lot of his teammates were in their own little bubbles of personal issues around the locker room, meaning they didn’t usually want to get involved in someone else’s if they didn’t have to. And he was quiet enough that they didn’t have to.

He tried to think about the day, about three weeks ago, when the Moose released their playoff roster and he wasn’t on it. He hadn’t known to worry about that specific deadline, until a friend emailed him an article with his former coach talking about how he was a _Jet_ and that he’d be staying there. It was nice to read, but what mattered more were his teammates had seen it and were talking about it around the locker room. Ben didn’t say anything about it, though.

Things were strange with Ben. He didn’t dare put a word on that either. So there Sami was, sitting in his stall, trying not to watch the media circling around Ben, while he laughed, and joked around with them. He stood so open and smiled so casually. It was so easy for him to take interviews; the words seem to just flow. Sure, he repeated himself, but that seemed to just be how English happened to everyone when they had to answer these silly questions. Ben always knew the right answer to say right away. Sami wished he could be like that, but in English his interviews were full of far too many ums and likes and stupid-sounding things like that.

He found himself doing that even talking to certain teammates, too. There were some that he didn’t know well, some that he was comfortable enough with, but Blake-- he intimidated him. Patrik said he shouldn’t, but that didn’t help. Nothing Patrik said usually helped. He had a very easy way of being that Sami couldn’t even pretend to have. And Patrik’s advice always stemmed from ‘who cares what they think?’ which Sami absolutely could not wrap his mind around. He didn’t ask Patrik for advice very often, but sometimes it was nice to just talk out his problems in Finnish, even if the results weren’t helpful.

Sami was doing all he could not to watch Ben but when he heard his own name, he couldn’t help but look up. They were asking about him? Of course, now that Ben had his _real_ partner back, wouldn’t he be so much better now? He didn’t want to hear Ben’s answer, but he found himself leaning a little bit forward, anyway.

“When I’m with…” Ben’s voice seemed to trail off, and Sami felt his stomach knot up. “When I’m with Sami…” Ben smiled brightly, turned his attention to the reporter that asked the question, and continued on, “…I do more of the, more of the yelling. And when I’m with Buff, I get more, y’know, yelled at than do the yelling, so…” Sami found himself smiling at that answer, too.

Ben kept talking, but the words washed over Sami. Ben’s smile faded away as he started talking about how there wasn’t going to be much change to his game, but all he really said was how he followed Dustin’s game rather than played his own. That was a huge change, because that wasn’t how he was with Sami. He could imagine that Ben probably didn’t talk much on the bench with Dustin. He never stopped talking with Sami, explaining what else they could have done, or what they had done well. He answered his questions, and even asked some of his own. They were always talking, always studying the game. Sami loved every second of it, watching the play and listening to Ben’s explanations. But he didn’t imagine Dustin would want anything to do with that.

Sami stood, and tried not to catch anyone’s eye as he slipped out of the locker room. He had already changed out of his practice gear, but he snuck down the tunnel anyway, his sneakers not making a sound on the rubber mats. The silence filled every corner and most of the lights had already been turned off. He sat on the bench and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the boards and his chin on his hands. The feeling, the sounds, the smell of the empty rink were as calming to him as anything else could possibly be. And yet he couldn’t keep his mind still, no matter how hard he tried.

_When I’m with Sami…_ The words echoed in his head, alongside the image of the smile on Ben’s face after he’d said his name. It faded into hearing his name in other settings. Murmured against his ear in bed, especially combined with any time Ben attempted a Finnish word. Whispered along with a gentle nudge, a reminder to wake up so they wouldn’t be late to practice. Laughed as a warning just before a ball of energy and fur nearly knocked him over at the door. Emphasized on this very bench, when he wanted to make a point of something it was important that he remember. Ben pronounced the ‘a’ with his Canadian accent, but he couldn’t think of anything he liked to hear more.

“Sami?”

He started at hearing his name actually said aloud, in the voice he’d been sitting there thinking about for he didn’t even know how long. Knowing that he was probably blushing, he didn’t want to turn around. He didn’t say anything.

Ben sighed, sitting on the bench beside him, silent for a long moment. When Sami didn’t look at him, Ben placed a hand on his back, sliding up to tangle in the hair at the back of his neck. His voice was soft, “You’ll be back in.”

Sami’s shoulders dropped and he sighed, “Whatever is best… for the team.” He turned his head a little towards him, but not enough that Ben might move his hand. Every time they were sitting together at home—at _Ben’s house_ , his hand would find its way there, and Sami loved it. It would relax him usually to the point that he’d fall asleep against Ben’s shoulder. It had slowly become his happy place and now… now he had to wonder if that was over. “You will be happy you don’t have to talk so much.”

Ben laughed, “You think I don’t like that? You think if I _didn’t_ like it, I would do it?”

Sami shook his head a little, “Yeah… you are so good at teaching me, but now… you don’t have to do that anymore.”

Ben sat up straighter and pulled his hand away. Sami instantly regretted whatever he had said, though he didn’t have a clue how it was wrong or bad. But he could read Ben’s body language and he looked offended. He wished he could think of something to say but there was just one thought filling up his head and for the life of him he couldn’t think of how to say it in English. _Älä jätä._

“ _That’s_ what you think this is?” He asked, his expression snapping in to the most neutral press face he’d ever seen. Ben’s eyes met his, but there wasn’t his usual laughing look in them, they were much colder than he realized brown eyes could be.

Sami’s eyes went wide, but he quickly tried to hide it, despite the panicky feeling that was starting to roll around his stomach. He took in a deep breath, “You… I learn… so much…” He stammered the words out, making sure every one of them was English.

Ben rolled his eyes, “And I’m just here to teach you some hockey, eh?”

Sami quickly shook his head, “Not only hockey.” He did all he could not to close his eyes as memories of their first night together came flooding back all at once. The feel of Ben’s hands all over his body, his kisses that were for more than just his lips, his whispered voice beside his hear asking him how he wanted it. He shivered against his will.

Ben quirked a little smile, clearly catching the shiver. “I think about _that,_ too.”

Sami blushed and ducked his head. What was he supposed to say to that? What words could he string together that wouldn’t make him look like the stupidest rookie on the planet? He hadn’t told Ben, in words, that he was his first, but he had a pretty good idea that he knew anyway. He took in a deep breath, but his voice still came out as a soft mumble, “It was nice.”

“ _Nice?_ ” Ben’s voice held a note of laughter. Sami didn’t dare look at him, but he could imagine the teasing grin and raised eyebrow that matched that tone of voice.

Sami didn’t believe that he could blush anymore, but he did. He could have kicked himself for sounding so stupid, and he couldn’t even blame it on the English, that was all him. How on earth could someone like Ben, who always knew exactly the right thing to say, put up with someone as awkward and uncomfortable as him? The coach had put them together, he reminded himself. Whatever happened after that just… happened.

The silence hung in the air for a long moment before Ben spoke, “Sami… what did you think this was?” He asked, softly.

“I…” He wished he had an answer for that, but everything that came to mind sounded… wrong. There were things he wanted to say and shouldn’t. And things he should say and didn’t want to. None of them were right, but he had to say something. He took in a deep breath. “You… helped me. A lot. I am… thank you.”

“No, don’t thank me.” Ben reached a hand up and tucked Sami’s hair behind his ear, “I helped you, yeah…. But you helped me too. Talking through things with you, I saw the game in a way I hadn’t in too long. I got to see it the way _you_ do. I had to _think_ out there,” He laughed, “And that’s a good thing. But this… this isn’t about hockey… I _thought_ …”

Sami couldn’t help but look over to him when his voice trailed off. Ben was smiling, of course, but this one was something very different. There wasn’t a laugh behind this smile, there was an emotion Sami was terrified to put a name on. He felt his breath catch in his throat, and for a moment he couldn’t speak. “No…” His voice was quiet, even for him, “No, not about hockey….”

Ben leaned in closer, his hand going to the back of Sami’s neck to draw him into the kiss. The moment their lips touched, Sami melted into the moment, his eyes closing and a soft sigh escaping. Ben pressed deeper in the kiss and Sami eagerly accepted, even asking for more. Sami lost all track of exactly how long the kiss lasted, but he knew that when Ben pulled back, it had been far too short.

“Now, tell me that you know not being out there beside me doesn’t have _anything_ to do with the fact that when we go home, I want you beside me.” Ben’s lips brushed Sami’s as he spoke, but it was the words not the actions that caused the shiver to race up Sami’s spine.

“Kyllä.” The word was the only one Sami could put together enough thought to say aloud. Of course, he hadn’t known that at all, and even now hearing Ben say it so plainly, he was still having trouble fully believing it. But he  _wanted_ to believe it more than anything.

Ben smiled, leaning in to whisper just beside his ear, “I have feelings for you, _kulta_ , and I want to see where they go.”

Sami’s eyes slid shut and the moan escaped his lips completely unbidden. That he was still sitting upright on the bench was an extreme accomplishment. Any Finnish from Ben always sent him into a low orbit, but the fact that he had clearly looked up _that_ word and had used it for the first time in the perfect situation, made Sami feel more than a little lightheaded.

He knew he was supposed to say something, but he was afraid that if he opened his mouth, the very wrong thing would come out. Once he was sure he had regained some semblance of composure, Sami opened his eyes to look over to him, “Me too. I was… afraid, but… I’m not anymore.” That may or may not have been completely true, but it was true enough for the moment.

Ben leaned into capture his mouth again, slowly trailing kisses to the side of his neck, “ _Good_. Now, can we go home?”

“Mm mm.” There was a glint in Sami’s eye, as a slow grin crossed his lips, “I want you to have me right here.”

Ben laughed, a low rumble beside his ear that coursed thought Sami’s body, igniting every nerve along the way. As he spoke, he slipped a hand between Sami's legs, “If you make any noise, they’ll find us. So be quiet.”


End file.
